Twists in the tale
With one word - Milco - written in the sand, last year’s final
episode of Home And Away rewrote the rulebook on soap
opera plot twists. Michael Idato judges the 10 best.
Milco returns, alive and unimaginary, Home And Away,
2007
No stranger to a nail-biting cliffhanger, Summer Bay’s perennial
innocent Sally Fletcher (Kate Ritchie) explains to her own
daughter, Pippa (India Falconer), the imaginary friend she once had
while a young man further down the beach scratches a single word in
the sand: “Milco”. The implication - that this mysterious stranger,
played by Josh Quong Tart, is in fact Sally’s imaginary friend,
Milco, in flesh-and-blood form - might seem ludicrous, but in the
realm of soap opera anything is possible. And if, when the series
returns for 2008 next week, we learn Milco is real, then Home
And Away will have delivered a plot twist equal to the genre’s
best.
Dallas is but a dream, Dallas, 1986
The “Who Shot JR?” cliffhanger was the defining moment in the
history of the 1980s supersoap Dallas - we will come to
that in a moment - but it was the 1986 finale that floored the
audience, as the very dead Bobby Ewing (Patrick Duffy) turned up in
widow Pam’s (Victoria Principal) shower. The stunt was a surprise
to the cast, including Principal, who had actually filmed the scene
with another actor, unaware the producers intended to slip in
Duffy’s Bobby Ewing. Such stuff as dreams are made of? Perhaps for
Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night’s Dream but for
Dallas it was the beginning of the end as fans, angry an
entire season had been written off as a “dream”, began to abandon
the television juggernaut.
Duck, Aldo, there’s a bomb in the Carnation milk, Number
96, 1975
Plot twists come in many shapes and sizes - some are
cliffhangers and others the coup de grace of long-term story arcs.
The bomb that gutted the ground floor of Sydney’s most infamous
apartment block was neither but rather a midyear attempt by the
show’s producers to shed some old characters and reinvigorate
audience interest in their show. A warning note is delivered to the
empty flat of Vera Collins (Elaine Lee) but remains undiscovered
until it’s too late. By the time the dust settles, Les (Gordon
McDougall), Aldo (Johnny Lockwood), Roma (Philippa Baker) and Miles
(Scott Lambert) have gone to meet their maker.
Pat the Rat is … Belinda Giblin? Sons
Daughters, 1985
With her world caving in around her, and actress Rowena Wallace
firm in her decision to walk away from a top-rating show and a
much-hated (and beloved) character, Australia’s resident TV
super-bitch Patricia Hamilton did the only thing women of her time
and style did - she put on her best wistful expression and boarded
a plane for South America, where she checked into one of those
ubiquitous plastic surgery clinics in Rio de Janeiro. Presto,
chango, kaboom - and she returns … as Belinda Giblin? Pat the Rat
Mark II used the alias Alison Carr until her true identity was
unmasked and the producers - in a late moment of insanity - brought
Wallace back to play her own former alter-ego’s twin sister Pamela
no less.
Fallon is kidnapped by a UFO, The Colbys, 1987
Scriptwriters typically use the props of the fictional universes
they create - secrets in Peyton Place, guns in The
Sopranos and shoulder pads (and stock certificates) in
Dynasty. And then along came The Colbys - after
two years of predictably over-the-top storylines including a
long-lost son, an amnesiac wife and a battle to control an oil
pipeline, the producers decided to bow out by borrowing an idea
from Star Trek. Colby daughter-in-law Fallon (Emma Samms)
sped down a lonely freeway, broke down and, as she was dialling
America’s answer to the NRMA, looked up into the night sky and saw
a UFO landing. Kidnapped by aliens? Well, it sure beats finding out
a whole year of your life was a dream.
With this AK-47, I thee wed, Dynasty, 1985
Undoubtedly spurred on by the success Number 96 had
when it tried to knock off the entire cast in its infamous bomb
blast, the producers of Dynasty were clearly either drunk,
deranged or just plain dumb when they hatched the twist to end all
twists - Carrington daughter Amanda (Catherine Oxenberg) joins the
Eurotrash set by marrying Prince Michael of Moldavia, an oil-rich
(fictional) East European monarchy and, as the two exchange vows,
those pesky nationalists revolt and machine-gun the congregation.
Luckily for the Carringtons, the Moldavian army skipped target
practice and everyone, except for two bit players, survives.
‘Which one of you bitches is my mother?’, Lace,
1984
Three schoolgirls at the Swiss boarding school L’Hirondelle -
English Pagan Trelawney (Brooke Adams), American Judy Hale (Bess
Armstrong) and French Maxine Pascal (Arielle Dombasle) - discover
that one of them is in, er, the motherly way and decide to protect
the mum-to-be by sharing the blame. A quick trip to creepy Dr
Geneste (Anthony Quayle) and everything is taken care of … until
the abandoned baby grows up to become the late 1970s version of
Paris Hilton. A couple of porn films later, sex siren Lili (Phoebe
Cates) gathers all three women together, where she utters the now
iconic line: “Which one of you bitches is my mother?” (It was, if
your memory is failing you, Judy.)
Charlie Cousens falls into the silo, Bellbird,
1968
In the early days of soap, Australia’s genteel sensibilities
required kid-glove treatment - characters waved goodbye, moved to
the next town or, in a worst-case scenario, went to Brisbane, never
to return. Until, that is, Bellbird’s resident shady real
estate agent Charlie Cousens (Robin Ramsay) met a grisly end inside
a wheat silo, sending shockwaves through the community.
Roman is John is Roman is … Chris? Days Of Our
Lives, 1981-present
Salem’s resident cop and all-round good guy Roman Augustus Brady
was played by actor Wayne Northrop from 1981-84, until he was shot
by supervillain Stefano DiMera (Joseph Mascolo). Or was he? Roman
returned with the alias John Black, played by Drake Hogestyn, from
1986-2007. Or was he? The real Roman was found in a prison cell,
heralding the return of Wayne Northrop to the role from 1991-94.
Confused yet? Well, it all comes unstuck in 1997 when the producers
hire Josh Taylor to play the role, despite the fact that Taylor
played Chris Kositchek in the same show, between 1977 and 1987.
Watch out, the homeless girl has a knife! Soapdish,
1991
Neither a TV show, nor a serious soap, Soapdish was a
feature film that satirised the genre with brilliant characters -
jaded diva Celeste Talbert (Sally Field), scheming producer David
Seaton Barnes (Robert Downey jnr) and ambitious bit player Montana
Moorehead (Cathy Moriarty). Barnes brings back Celeste’s ex-lover
Jeffrey Anderson (Kevin Kline), whose return sets the stage for a
moment of pure soap - the young girl playing the destitute
knife-wielding homeless girl (Elisabeth Shue) is actually their
long-lost daughter. The film brilliantly mines every cliche of the
genre.
