Window of opportunity for Kev to boost synergy
AS IF gazing into a crystal ball about the head-scratching
verbosity of Kevin Rudd, barrister Geoffrey Smith
writes: “The day of gobbledegook is at hand.” The legal eagle has
penned a book to help his fellow lawyers keep the Queen’s English
plain and simple during their splendid briefs and orations but
The Making of a Lawyer: What they didn’t teach you at law
school is also essential reading for our pompous Prime
Minister.
In a chapter on style, Smith says: “The object is to make our
meaning as clear as we can.” That means avoiding words on the
eagle’s blacklist such as “key-performance indicator’, “window of
opportunity” and “synergy”. What was the last one?
As Kev said at the Progressive Governance Summit in the Queen’s
England: “There has to be a greater synergy between, let’s call it
our policy leadership in this, which has been focused so much,
legitimately, on targets and global architecture, almost
reverse-engineered back to the means by which you can quickly
deliver outcomes ” Out of respect for our readers, Diary will
not repeat the remainder of Kev’s contribution to global warming.
Smith says another no-no is following the bad example set by the
Canadian Defence Department, circa 1950-60, with the invention of
“Buzz phrase generator”.
It works like this: combine words from three groupings and you
have %26#151; close your eyes NOW if it’s all too much %26#151;
“Functional digital time-phase”, “Synchronised third-generation
contingency” and “Parallel reciprocal projection”.
There’s no excuse, Kev. You have been warned.
Something’s in the air
SPEAKING about mumbo-jumbo, a “good effort” commendation goes to
the Chinese-English interpreter who translated a label attached to
a handbag: “Bend oneself to portfolio kultur investigation and
innovate. Hanker original, stink individuality.” And what a stench
it is!
Buzzing around
TO ENSURE Spring Street meddlers stay in tip-top condition for
the chilly winter months and don’t lose their voice (wouldn’t that
be a tragedy?), a nurse from Peak Health Management will visit the
asylum today to administer flu injections. But not everyone will
roll up their sleeves. An email advises that MPs are ineligible for
the jab if they are allergic to eggs, chicken feathers or latex, so
the sensitive-skinned will have to soldier on with vitamin C and
echinacea. A mystery addition to the email is four attachments
featuring illustrations of buzzing bees. Must be the new logo of
the John Bumblebee Government.
Circle of life
JUST like the old days when Queen Mary Delahunty ruled
from her ministerial throne in Spring Street, she graced the front
row of Hamer Hall’s circle on Saturday night for Verdi’s
Requiem. No wonder so many people were curtsying, as one of her
worshippers noted: “She was getting all the VIP acknowledgement
accorded to an arts minister. But didn’t that job end some years
ago when she took the superannuation and ran?” Yes, life just isn’t
the same from the back row.
On second thoughts
SOMEONE who won’t be joining James Packer, Cate
Blanchett and Huge Ackman in Canberra for Kevin’s
brains rust is 3CR anarchist and long-time Senate candidate Dr
Joseph Toscano. The doc might have provided too much
information on his application, the bit where he said he wanted to
shake up the political system by giving voters the power, in
between elections, to plonk non-performing MPs in the ejector seat
and press the button. Kev mustn’t have liked Joe’s 20/20
vision.
Same to you!
NOT another cryptic one-fingered salute on a numberplate! Adding
to the list of Queensland’s “FAHQ” and Melbourne’s “FARGEM”, reader
Brian Walsh spotted a “QQQQTO” in Glen Huntly, which
translates as “for Q too.” Think about it.
Dive right in
SOUNDS divine, a break at WA’s Dolphin Resort where the water is
bluer than blue and there is a wide range of accommodation for the
“disconcerting” traveller. The discerning are also welcome.
Won’t it be luvverly
THANKS to the informative Opera Australia booklet about its
upcoming extravaganzas, aficionados know Carmen will be
performed in French with surtitles, Madama Butterfly will be
in Italian with surtitles and My Fair Lady will delight in
English. That’s a relief! Doesn’t sound the same in Swahili.
Vroom with a view
WE DIDN’T know journeying up the Hume could be so exciting. To
some travellers a tree is just a tree but to others, this
formation is the “rooster tree”, prompting 2210 admirers to
join the Hume Highway Rooster Tree Appreciation Society on
Facebook. One of the members, Mick Webster, told Diary that
glimpsing the rooster, north-bound between Wandong and Broadford,
is a “sign that you’re leaving Smelbourne behind and getting back
to the fresh air of the country”. It’s a wonder of nature that the
rooster maintains his shape. Must have a personal trainer.
