Getting lost in the plot
Michael Idato celebrates our favourite soap opera twists
that continue to defy belief.
NO STRANGER to a nail-biting cliffhanger, Summer Bay’s perennial
innocent Sally Fletcher (Kate Ritchie) explains to her daughter,
Pippa, the imaginary friend she once had, while a young man further
down the beach scratches a word in the sand %26#151; “Milco”. The
implication %26#151; that this stranger, played by Josh Quong Tart,
is Sally’s imaginary friend Milco in the flesh %26#151; might seem
ludicrous but in a soap opera anything is possible. And if, when
the series returns next week, we learn Milco is real, then Home
And Away will have delivered a twist equal to the genre’s
best.
Dallas is but a dream
Dallas, 1986
While the “Who Shot JR?” episode was the
defining moment in the history of the 1980s supersoap
Dallas %26#151; we will come to that in a moment %26#151; it was
the 1986 finale that floored the audience, as the very dead Bobby
Ewing turned up in widow Pam’s shower. The stunt was a surprise to
the cast, including Victoria Principal who had actually filmed the
scene with another actor, completely unaware the producers intended
to slip Patrick Duffy’s Bobby Ewing back in. Such stuff as dreams
are made of? Perhaps for Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night’s
Dream but for Dallas it was the beginning of the end as fans,
angry an entire season had been written off as a “dream”, began to
abandon the TV juggernaut.
Duck Aldo, there’s a bomb in the Carnation Milk
Number 96, 1975
Plot twists come in many shapes and sizes %26#151; some are
cliffhangers, and others the coup de grace of long-term story arcs.
The bomb that gutted the ground floor of Sydney’s most infamous
apartment block was neither but rather a mid-year attempt by the
producers to shed some old characters and re-invigorate audience
interest. A warning note is delivered to the empty flat of Vera
Collins (Elaine Lee) but remains undiscovered until it’s too late.
When the dust settled, Les (Gordon McDougall), Aldo (Johnny
Lockwood), Roma (Philippa Baker) and Miles (Scott Lambert) had gone
to meet their maker.
Pat the Rat is Belinda Giblin?
Sons %26amp; Daughters, 1985
With her world caving in around her and actress Rowena Wallace
firm in her decision to walk away from a top-rating show and a
much-hated (and loved) character, Australia’s resident TV super
bitch Patricia Hamilton did the only thing women of her time and
style did %26#151; she put on her best wistful expression and boarded
a plane for South America, where she checked into one of those
ubiquitous plastic surgery clinics in Rio de Janeiro and she
returns as Belinda Giblin? Pat the Rat Mark II used the
alias Alison Carr until her true identity was unmasked, and the
producers %26#151; in a late moment of insanity %26#151; brought
Wallace back, to play her own former alter-ego’s twin sister,
Pamela, no less.
Fallon is kidnapped by a UFO
The Colbys, 1987
Scriptwriters typically use the props of the fictional universes
they create %26#151; secrets in Peyton Place, guns in The
Sopranos and shoulderpads (and stock certificates) in
Dynasty. And then along came The Colbys where, after
two years of predictably over-the-top storylines ranging from a
long-lost son, an amnesiac wife and a battle to control an oil
pipeline, the producers decided to bow out by borrowing an idea
from Star Trek. Colby daughter-in-law Fallon (Emma Samms)
sped down a lonely freeway, broke down and, as she was dialling
America’s answer to the RACV, looked up into the night sky and saw
a UFO landing. Kidnapped by aliens? Well, it sure beats finding out
a whole year of your life was a dream.
With this AK-47, I thee wed
Dynasty, 1985
Undoubtedly spurred on by the success Number 96 had when
it tried to knock off the entire cast in its infamous bomb blast,
the producers of Dynasty were clearly either drunk, deranged
or just plain dumb when they hatched the twist to end all twists
%26#151; Carrington daughter Amanda (Catherine Oxenberg) joins the
Eurotrash set by marrying Prince Michael of Moldavia, an oil-rich
(fictional) eastern European monarchy and, as the two exchange
vows, those pesky nationalists rise in revolution and spray the
congregation with machinegun fire. Luckily for the Carringtons, the
Moldavian army skipped target practice %26#151; and everyone, except
for two bit players, survived.
Which one of you bitches is my mother?
Lace, 1984
Three schoolgirls at the Swiss boarding school L’Hirondelle
%26#151; English Pagan Trelowney (Brooke Adams), American Judy Hale
(Bess Armstrong) and French woman Maxine Pascal (Arielle Dombasle)
%26#151; discover that one of them is in, er, the motherly way, and
decide to protect the mum-to-be by sharing the blame. A quick trip
to the creepy Dr Geneste and everything is taken care of
until the abandoned baby grows up to become the late 1970s version
of Paris Hilton. A couple of porn films later, sex siren Lili
(Phoebe Cates) has gathered all three women together, where she
utters the now iconic line: “Which one of you bitches is my
mother?” (It was, in case your memory is failing you, Judy.)
Charlie Cousens falls out of the silo
Bellbird, 1968
In the early days of soap, Australia’s genteel sensibilities
required kid-glove treatment %26#151; characters waved goodbye, moved
to the next town, or, in a worst-case scenario, went to Brisbane,
never to return. Until Bellbird’s resident shady real estate
agent Charlie Cousens (Robin Ramsay) met a grisly end down the side
of a wheat silo, sending shockwaves through the local community
%26#151; a picture postcard assembly of loveable yokels, including
Jim (Carl Bleazby), Joe (Terry Norris), Olive (Moira Charleton),
Fiona (Gerda Nicolson) and Lori (Elspeth Ballantyne).
Roman is John is Roman is Chris?
Days of Our Lives, 1981-present
Salem’s resident cop and all-round good guy Roman Augustus Brady
was played by actor Wayne Northrop from 1981-84, until he was shot
by super villain Stefano diMera (Joseph
Mascolo). Or was he? Roman returned with the alias John Black,
played by Drake Hogestyn, from 1986-91. Or was he? The real Roman
was found in a prison cell, heralding the return of Northrop to the
role from 1991-94. Confused yet?
Well, it all comes unstuck in 1997 when the producers hire Josh
Taylor to play the role, despite the fact that Taylor played Chris
Kositchek in the same show, between 1977-87.
Watch out, the homeless girl has a knife!
Soapdish, 1991
Neither a TV show, nor a serious soap, Soapdish was a
feature film that satirised the genre with brilliant characters
%26#151; jaded diva Celeste Talbert (Sally Field), scheming producer
David Seaton Barnes (Robert Downey jnr) and ambitious bit player
Montana Moorehead (Cathy Moriarty). Barnes brings back Celeste’s
ex-lover Jeffrey Anderson (Kevin Kline), whose return sets the
stage for a moment of pure soap %26#151; the young girl playing the
destitute knife-wielding homeless girl (Elizabeth Shue) is actually
their long-lost daughter. The film mines every cliche of the genre,
finishing in a live-to-air episode of truly soap operatic
proportions.
