Pigs might fly
WITH the Pakistan tour now firmly stowed in the back of the
storage cupboard along with the totem tennis set, swimming flippers
and a busted snorkel, Cricket Australia has expressed concerns
about adequate player preparation before the vital West Indies
tour. In fact it has gone so far as to warn affected players that
their time in the Indian Premier League might be limited due to the
necessity of arriving early in the Caribbean for training camps.
Yes, when you think about it, you can readily see the dilemma
there. The kind of preparation players need ahead of a demanding
overseas tour would ideally include top-level competition against
some of the best players in the world %26#151; a kind of
international “Premier League”, if you will. Preferably this kind
of hypothetical competition would be held in one of the most
demanding and intense cricket environments in the world, somewhere
along the lines of %26#151; ooh, let me think for a minute here
%26#151; say, India. Jimagine if this sheer fantasy “Premier Cricket
League of India” concept actually existed in real life!
What an excellent form of competitive cricket preparation it
would be for players subsequently embarking on an international
representative tour. Of course this is all so much pie-in-the-sky
type thinking. Still, in the cold hard light of reality, we have to
make do with the opportunities we’ve got, and I’m sure the balmy
training camps in the West Indies will be absolutely lovely.
Howard Cunningham
Endeavour Hills
Shark jumped again
EVERY year one of the alleged feature attractions of grand prix
weekend is the “celebrity” race, consisting of resolutely
anonymous, helmeted people in shiny cars driving slowly into each
other. The barely detectable entertainment invariably provokes a
substantial proportion of the viewing audience into performing an
excellent impression of an owl, i.e. sleeping during the daytime,
and constant repetition of the syllable “Who?!”
It’s well past time we got some actual celebrities into this
race to spice it up and there seems no reason to be hidebound by
tradition and just go for the usual round of suspects seen
loitering around the pot-plants in the Logie awards foyer on an
annual basis. Thus here is my short list of candidates for future
inclusion in the celebrity race:
(Likely place-getters in capitals)
BILL CLINTON, Don Rickles, Cate Blanchett, Dick Dastardly and
Muttley, a selection of European ferry captains, Bob Davis, Mark
Jackson, Michael Jackson, LaToya Jackson, Henry Winkler as Arthur
Fonzarelli, DAVID LEE ROTH, Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, Lindsay
Lohan, Hulk Hogan, Richard Branson with all brake-lines severed,
all past and present members of Hi-5 (in the next car to Richard
Branson’s), the woman from the Brand Power ads, the dad from the
BigPond ads, all past and present members of Motley Crue, Humphrey
B. Bear (in costume), Paul Gascoigne, Prince Phillip, and ROBBIE
MADDISON ON A MOTORBIKE COMING OFF A GIANT RAMP.
Alternatively, they could abandon the celebrity race and just
have Arthur Fonzarelli and Robbie Maddison take turns jumping their
motorbikes over a live shark. In this case, the grand prix race
could also be omitted from the program.
Dr Michael Malph
Glen Iris
Piles of business
ANTHONY Mundine has announced he is fighting Sam Soliman yet
again, claiming he considers this “unfinished business”. Well, I
consider myself to have unfinished business with two slabs of beer
on Saturday night. In both cases people have seen it all before,
know exactly how it’s going to come out, and have no particular
desire to see it again. So why can’t I get paid thousands of
dollars for my unfinished business? I am willing to include my
famous performance of the “Elephant Trick” in the pay-per-view
coverage at no extra charge.
Warren Weber
Altona Meadows
