‘Nothing’ Is Happening

Sunday, October 5th, 2008

Any good work of art should wake you up. Some art objects do it more seductively than others. A gorgeous Titian such as “Europa” at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, for instance, pulls viewers in with a spectacle of story, tone, and technique.

Unlike “Europa,” the works in this show don’t carry you away with color and drama. Indeed, they’re spare, oblique, and lacking in narrative. They don’t expect the viewer to make sense of them; rather, they invite you to engage and discover what the art provokes within you. Intrinsically, they’re less about themselves than they are about you and your response to them. They work to open an empty space, in which your assumptions fall away or are elucidated, and your perceptive powers quicken.

Some will run from this exhibit as quickly as they’d run from a meditation cushion; it isn’t always easy spending time with oneself.

In her catalog essay, Dumont quotes Sweibel saying that the viewing experience of her scrawny wire works “pushes the point of paying attention.” It’s true. Her untitled pieces are tiny on the vast white wall, but they demand scrutiny. They look like scraps of trash (another Sweibel series here sports tiny scraps of fabric), and in a sense they are; the artist recycles wire from previous sculptures.

One of the simplest ones drew me right in. The roughly straight strand with a tiny circle curling at its head made me laugh; I saw a little stick figure, upon which I projected a host of characteristics: scruffy, humble, noble in the face of adversity, lonely but soldiering on. The piece cast a pale shadow downward; Sweibel had carved another “shadow” into the wall above it. It looks like a drawing, not a cut in the wall, but knowing it’s a cut changes the game; perhaps the little wire figure has wrenched its way out of the wall and into the open.

You may think it’s easy to make up stories like this, but it isn’t when an artist is intent on pushing his or her own agenda. The artists in “Many Kinds of Nothing” deliberately make open-ended work.

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Libraries adapt as needs change

Sunday, August 31st, 2008

Your local library may soon start looking a lot more like a bookstore, with walls of best-selling books, big living room-style spaces with comfy couches and chairs, space for readings and classes, and even a coffee kiosk.

A big shift for libraries has popular books coming out from the shelves and showing their faces along with CDs, videos and games  on what some librarians call “power walls.”

In Charlotte County, some patrons are already seeing the kind of service Sarasota wants to offer.

Customers at the new mid-county library are encouraged to order online, pick up and check out by themselves. Common areas are open, inviting and bustling with activity. Quieter areas for study are away from the library’s center.

Last year, the county completed a five-year plan for library services that includes two new regional libraries in Punta Gorda and Englewood. Those libraries will include features like historical archives and museum pieces, said Angie Patteson, library manager for Charlotte.

The willingness to change among librarians came after surveys of patrons found that they rarely raved about the depth of a collection or its organization.

“They tend to come and spend time at a library where there are friendly people, some comfortable seating,” said Sarabeth Kalajian, who heads the library system for Sarasota County. “Maybe some aspect of the collection is important to them, but it’s mainly just their basic need for information.”

In the future, there will be fewer titles on display, but almost any book will be available through inter-library loan from across town or the globe. Sarasota patrons can already browse for books from the local collection online and order them for pickup at any branch.

Gone as well, for the most part, will be the Dewey Decimal System.

“This is a renegade trend in libraries to throw out Dewey and organize the collection in the way that people might logically find things,” Kalajian said.

Much like a bookstore, patrons will find a career development section, exercise, finance and self-help sections and areas full of cookbooks, art books or science books.

This new model for libraries is not new. In 1998, the Richmond Public Library in British Columbia opened its Ironwood Branch in a retail space. Librarian Cate McNeely, a recognized visionary in her field, instituted changes that make it seem more like a high-end bookstore. Overnight, it was the most popular branch and dubbed “The Library of the Future.”

“We are a gathering place with not a lot of rules,” Jeffrey said. “Bring a coffee, have a snack, browse, sit by the fireplace, watch the Beijing Olympics on one of our big-screen TVs, take your kids to our daily story time, fill up your shopping basket with good reads and head home to enjoy them.”

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Library confrontation points up privacy dilemma

Monday, July 21st, 2008

Children’s librarian Judith Flint was getting ready for the monthly book discussion group for 8- and 9-year-olds on “Love That Dog” when police showed up.

They weren’t kidding around: Five state police detectives wanted to seize Kimball Public Library’s public access computers as they frantically searched for a 12-year-old girl, acting on a tip that she sometimes used the terminals.

Flint demanded a search warrant, touching off a confrontation that pitted the privacy rights of library patrons against the rights of police on official business.

“It’s one of the most difficult situations a library can face,” said Deborah Caldwell-Stone, deputy director of intellectual freedom issues for the American Library Association.

Investigators did obtain a warrant about eight hours later, but the June 26 standoff in the 105-year-old, red brick library on Main Street frustrated police and had fellow librarians cheering Flint.

But the investigation of Brooke Bennett’s disappearance wasn’t a Patriot Act case.

“We had to balance out the fact that we had information that we thought was true that Brooke Bennett used those computers to communicate on her MySpace account,” said Col. James Baker, director of the Vermont State Police. “We had to balance that out with protecting the civil liberties of everybody else, and this was not an easy decision to make.”

Brooke, from Braintree, vanished the day before the June 26 confrontation in the children’s section of the tiny library. Investigators went to the library chasing a lead that she had used the computers there to arrange a rendezvous.

Brooke was found dead July 2. An uncle, convicted sex offender Michael Jacques, has since been charged with kidnapping her. Authorities say Jacques had gotten into her MySpace account and altered postings to make investigators believe she had run off with someone she met online.

Flint was firm in her confrontation with the police.

Cybersecurity expert Fred H. Cate, a law professor at Indiana University, said the librarians acted appropriately.

A new Vermont law that requires libraries to demand court orders in such situations took effect July 1, but it wasn’t in place that June day. The library’s policy was to require one.

The librarians did agree to shut down the computers so no one could tamper with them, which had been a concern to police.

Once in police hands, how broadly could police dig into the computer hard drives without violating the privacy of other library patrons?

Baker wouldn’t discuss what information was gleaned from the computers or what state police did with information about other people, except to say the scope of the warrant was restricted to the missing girl investigation.

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Movie Sets Under Siege

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

Anyone working on a high-profile movie or TV show these days dreads seeing two words in a script: Exterior shot. Filming a hot project at an outdoor location has become a swim in a giant, incredibly public fishbowl. Of all the battlefronts in the spoiler wars, location shoots are the places where filmmakers and show creators feel the most exposed, the most overtly under siege and maybe the most powerless to plug leaks.

Even so, interlopers crashed the party wherever Crystal Skull went. Somebody in a helicopter possibly just a lucky tourist on a joyride, who was passing through airspace the Skull crew couldn’t control snapped shots of a Hawaii-based jungle sequence from above. Plot spoiling amateur videos of a motorcycle-chase scene filmed in New Haven, Conn., also showed up online, thanks to onlookers posting footage.

No matter how distant the location, it seems, those pesky snappers find a way in. A few weeks into the shoot of Iron Man, in March 2007, work was about to start at an extremely remote desert canyon spot in a gated national park near Lone Pine, Calif. More than three hours’ drive outside Los Angeles.

Barren and desolate looking, this spot would stand in for Afghanistan in a sequence where Tony Stark, played by Robert Downey Jr., gets kidnapped by terrorists. Somehow, photographers found the waiting set. They commandeered a vantage point in the hills above, and got telephoto-lens pictures of the faux terrorist encampment, including weapon containers marked Stark Industries. The images showed up on a fansite before any of the sequence had even been filmed.

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Weak plot lets film down

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

When ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’ opens the year is 1957 and we find our hero has been taken prisoner by a group of Soviets who have infiltrated the US Army’s notorious ‘Area 51′ looking for something the army has secretly stored there.

After Indy helps them locate what they’re looking for he expedites a ‘high speed’ escape before falling into the clutches of the US Army, after almost getting caught in the middle of a major nuclear weapons test.

After all this excitement Indiana returns to teaching only to be told, by his college principal, that because of the FBI’s ‘interest’ in him he is going to be suspended.

As Indy is about to head off on a trip to England he meets a young man  who asks for his help to find his mother, and his old professor, who have gone missing in South America.

Before the professor went missing he was searching for the mythical Crystal Skull of Akatar and this, along with the arrival of a number of KGB agents, prompts Indy to agree to help young Mutt and the pair head off in search of this elusive archaeological treasure.

Shortly after arriving in Peru Indy picks up the trail left by his old friend and he soon finds himself in an old graveyard where he discovered a hidden chamber where he locates the Crystal Skull.

However, the pair have been followed and, once again, Indy finds himself captured by the Russians, led by Cate Blanchett.

Aside from a few more wrinkles, and a tendency to wear his khakis a bit high at the waist, Harrison Ford rolls back the years to reprise one of the roles which made him a Hollywood megastar.

The film is directed by Steven Spielberg and rolls along at a pretty hectic pace. The opening half hour is non-stop and highly watchable although I felt a chase sequence through the jungle looked like it was all done in front of a blue screen, or on a computer.

If ‘Crystal Skull’ has an Achilles heel and it does it’s the story. The plot starts off fairly interesting but turns into complete hokum as it develops, and would be more at home in an episode of ‘X-Files’ than in a Indiana Jones movie.

What you do get with ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’ is some excellent chase sequences, lots of high speed action, some exotic locations and the re-introduction of one of the big screen’s favourite characters to the movie going public.

And while the movie is very enjoyable, and well put together, the plot is very weak and unfortunately lets down what is otherwise a very enjoyable adventure romp.

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Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Friday, May 30th, 2008

AGEING gracefully is a difficult art. So, hats off to Harrison Ford and Spielberg for showing that when 20 years pass by unless you live in a soap opera two decades do pass by.

The archaeologist-adventurer made famous by George Lucas, Spielberg and Ford returns as an older, wiser and a little slower Indiana Jones, who remains as fallible and as likable as in his first outing in 1981.

Spielberg insisted that the special effects would be kept to a minimum in keeping with both the spirit of the three previous Indiana Jones films and the period in which The Kingdom of the Skull is set, and this does give the film an old-worldly, hands-on feel missing in similar adventures shot now like, say, National Treasure. This includes a sword-fight between two people balanced on two parallel racing jeeps.

Still, sometimes it’s better to adopt a little change. The Kingdom of the Skull moves at a desultory pace and its storyline has few surprises. And then, suddenly in the end, it takes off in a direction that bears the special touch of Lucas and Spielberg.

What’s also surprising is how many parallels it has with National Treasure 2, released just earlier this year from mythical cities to estranged families. Sure, there is a new character being introduced, in the shape of the young flavour of the season Shia LaBeouf. But even with the Marlon Brando get-up, he looks like he has been plonked in the film from sometime else.

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New Web sites make it easy to spy on friends

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

Armed with new and established Web sites, people are uncovering surprising details about colleagues, lovers and strangers that often don’t turn up in a simple Internet search. Though none of these sites can reveal anything that isn’t already available publicly, they can make it much easier to find. And most of them are free.

Some people have come across dirt on their loved ones without even looking for it. Doug Orlyk, a 42-year-old librarian in Bensenville, Ill., recently turned to ZabaSearch to find his new boyfriend’s address so that he could send him a card. Instead, he found out that the boyfriend had been lying about his age - he was 43 years old, not 35 as he had claimed to be on the dating site where Orlyk had met him. “I thought, ‘You’re a liar! You’re older than I am!’ ” Orlyk recalls. His new relationship ended soon thereafter.

Others rely on the Web to gather information on the job. Art Feagles, a technology specialist at the Cate School, a private high school in Carpinteria, Calif., runs the computer system for the alumni and development office. But his colleagues, who raise funds for the school, keep tapping him for another tech skill: researching potential donors online.

Last year, for example, Feagles wanted to learn more about a potential donor by using the person’s address. So he searched for it in Google Inc.’s Google Earth aerial-mapping program and saw that the address was for a golf-course condominium. From that, he gathered that this was probably a second home, and therefore the person must be rich - and a good prospect for a donation.

The Web sites, for their part, say they’re merely trying to provide services that people will find useful and entertaining. Ray Chen, a cofounder of Spokeo, says he and his partners “don’t want to stalk people.” Instead, he says, “we’re just trying to make something that’s fun to use.” Zaba CEO Nick Matzorkis says the dissemination of public information online is “a 21st-century reality with or without ZabaSearch.”

Larry Yu, a Google spokesman, says the use of Google Earth and Maps to glean personal information about others “is not the intent of the products.” He touts their other uses, such as helping users visualize driving directions.

Many online sleuths start by signing up for an account on social-networking sites like Facebook and News Corp.’s MySpace, where they can search for individuals by name. An acquaintance’s home address can be dug up using ZabaSearch or another public-records search engine; that can then be plugged into Google Maps, where the Street View feature might show an image of the address from the street, or Zillow, which can estimate the value of the home. Those trying to make a business contact might try Jigsaw, which invites users to provide phone numbers, e-mail addresses, job titles and other information from business cards they’ve collected.

The bad news, for those who find themselves targeted by snoops: There is no foolproof way to protect yourself from embarrassing personal-data leaks. But you can avoid many mishaps by going to the root of the leak - that is, by keeping individual pieces of personal data from being made public in the first place. If you don’t want others to see your Amazon wish list or the photos you’ve stored on Flickr, visit those sites’ privacy pages and adjust your settings accordingly.

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The Feast And The Fury puts history on the menu

Saturday, May 17th, 2008

Of course you know, this means war. Well, it did back in the mid-1700’s when France and Britain were fighting over North America, which is also why the Fortress of Louisbourg was built.

The Feast And The Fury, a new dinner theatre production scheduled for presentation this summer at the Louisbourg Playhouse and at the national historic site itself plunges its audience into daily life at the Fortress during a time of conflict.

“Canso has been captured and French privateers are out hinting British vessels,” Bev Brett, the writer and director of the show, says about its premise, “The audience becomes a group of prisoners who have been taken to the Fortress to be fed and entertained, in this case, to a traditional 25 course Ambigu meal.”

The Feast And The Fury grew out of a series of “mini-plays” Brett was commissioned to write three years ago.

With the sponsorship of the Fortress of Louisbourg Association, Brett re-wrote her earlier work into its present format.

“The Fortress was really helpful in making this play happen,” Brett notes, “They found us a big open warehouse where people can see the play more comfortably.”

Brett says the show is based on actual historical figures from all levels of Louisbourg society and uses a variety of theatre styles from “comedy to high drama to farce and melodrama.

Even a piece that started off as a puppet show, about two characters trying to find who is the most important person in Louisbourg, that we now do with real people.”

“We hope the audience will be drawn into the history through their emotions as they care about these people and what happens to them,” Brett explains.

“We have a cast of six actors, some of the finest on the island, who play 20 characters, and it’s a fast paced show so they’re jumping in and out of different costumes all the time,” Brett says.

The cast includes Joanne Donovan, George MacKenzie, Jeanne Matthews, Nick Sobol, James F. W. Thompson, and Lindsay Thompson.

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Clive James: my gateway to infinity

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

In 2005 I finally managed to buy my domain name, clivejames.com, back from a British pirate. Before the pirate got hold of it, my domain name belonged to another Clive James, a jet-ski instructor in Miami. I waited a long time for him to have his accident, but when I lunged forward to grab the vacant domain name, it turned out that the pirate had already bought it. He sold it to me for only slightly less than it would have cost to sue him, but it was worth it.

My fledgeling multimedia website could now carry my name, an attribute that might come in useful when trying to attract the attention of anyone who remembered it from the days when I had my face on the box in the corner of the room, instead of on the screen of a computer.

By that time my plans for the website were already changing. My first idea was to set up an online archive of everything I had ever written. There were practical reasons for doing so. On the web, your books can be made available while occupying no physical space at all: a humble aim, surely. But I have to admit that megalomania was part of the initial impulse.

I was building a memorial to myself: not a very charming idea even when the pharaohs did it. Luckily I soon realised that the project might be more useful if I included the work of other people. Some of my own work included other people anyway.

I was already, in the Video section of the site, running little no-budget television interviews that I was making in my living room. Jonathan Miller, Cate Blanchett, Terry Gilliam, Julian Barnes, Ruby Wax, Ian McEwan, Martin Amis and others (the complete line-up of 25 half-hour interviews is still on the site, and still growing, with a new series of nine to be uploaded soon) all contributed their services for not much more than a takeaway Chinese meal and cab fare.

In the Audio section, I had been streaming dozens of radio dialogues that I had done with Peter Porter for the ABC in Australia. I had a Gallery section, and all its painters, sculptors and photographers were my guests (there are now 17 of them, with seven pages each).

Worldwide, there were journalists and essayists who were taking their business seriously. I wanted to help to shine a light on their best work. When I was a journalist, I had always thought that an individual piece was like an individual poem: if it was well enough done, it deserved to live. On the web, nothing need disappear.

There were poets who deserved a world stage. I wanted to help to provide that. If I could load my website with enough permanently valuable material, people from all over the world might visit, not just because it was an example of one writer expressing himself, but because the site itself was expressing a wide range of human creation.

A limitless range, in fact: because there were already countless good things glittering among the junk out there on the web, so a site’s grizzled proprietor could turn his years to use by guiding visitors to the treasure.

You could say that this was megalomania taken to a further stage and disguised as altruism. But whatever the motive, after five years of steady construction the site has become the focus of my later life. I used to do several different things for a living.

But they were all linked by writing, and now they are all happening in the one place, and I have to do a lot of extra writing to explain what’s going on. By the nature of the web, this explanatory writing has to be terse, but that requirement never hurts.

The site’s comprehensive redesign, which has just been completed, looks a lot less tentative. It looks, as we used to say in television, “meant”. And so it should, because a lot of people are giving their efforts to it for small financial reward.

They are headed by my copy editor, Cécile Menon, who can also converse with computers fluently enough to run the site. Powerfully persuasive for someone no bigger than a piaf, she recruits out in cyberspace the ghostly technical experts whose time is worth a fortune. Somehow she persuades them to work, like her, for a pittance. She is also gifted with adventurous taste.

Many of our painters and sculptors are found by her. Sometimes she has to convince me, but only by making me look more closely, and invariably they prove to have a quality that my unaided eye might have skated over. Thus my education continues, and I get the chance to write outside my usual frame of reference. In this way, one’s mental range is increased. It’s the thing I like most about the web. It can get you beyond yourself.

In that question lies the only thing for the aspiring webster to be scared of. You can throw a party, and nobody might come. There are at least seven million websites in the world, and about 90 million blogs, and it’s already obvious that when everyone on Earth is building a personal display case they won’t have time to look at anybody else’s.

As many lone bloggers have already found, their regular audience is only going to be a handful of people like them. Some of the handful are in Iceland or Venezuela, which can be a thrill, but on the whole, no matter how well the bloggers write, if they haven’t got a selling point beyond their own opinions they are digging their own graves under the impression that they are putting up a building.

But when I wake up sweating in the night, wondering if I am going broke to no purpose whatever, I can check the viewing figures and remind myself that at any given moment, as the sun comes up around the world, there are people online to find out what we’ve got to offer. Not a lot of people, perhaps, but they come from more than 50 countries.

Since most of them, if they decide to browse around, will read as well as look and listen, it’s a safe assumption that they are good at English, which they got from books. The fear that the web necessarily erodes the ability to read is groundless. The web is fundamentally literate, even if at a low level.

At an even lower level, alas, it is also frightening, because a huge percentage of it consists of pornography, eked out by masterclasses in bomb-making, conspiracy theory and religious terror. The word “jungle” is almost too genteel to apply. But if the whole thing really is a lethally dangerous primeval forest, then a crucial battle will be lost if clearings are not provided in which people can find nothing but civilisation.

I suppose the most glittering prize the web offers is that it gives you a chance to put your life on the line in a constructive way. Even the brightest young people, wherever they come from, are more likely to find an older voice worth listening to if it is talking about something beyond wealth and power. It can talk about value, saying not just “This is what I have done” but “This is what others have done, and I find it valuable beyond price”.

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The best laid plans can’t guarantee the weather

Sunday, April 20th, 2008

It rained. It wasn%26#39;t supposed to, but it did.
There were two opposing forces at play here. The forecasters who said it wouldn%26#39;t and the mother-in-law who said it would. I was rooting for the forecasters but I was clearly backing the wrong horse.
If there was one thing we were really counting on it was sunshine, but it was the one thing we had no control over all the long-range forecasts money can buy and all the reassuring words from the venue hosts about only two wet weddings in 15 years, couldn%26#39;t hold the weather at bay.
Anyway, the weekend got off to a cracking start.
Thursday night was devoted to heavy drinking given there was a day to recover properly, and that largely went without a hitch. Well almost. The best man did involuntarily evacuate his dinner all over his wife at about 2am but everyone, including his wife, eventually saw the funny side.
Friday was the day before the wedding and the boys all rallied around to erect the marquee, which sounds like a technically demanding task for a group in various states of delicateness, but it went surprisingly smoothly, not least because of the supervisor%26#39;s skill and patience.
Then those that had the stomach for it went fishing and the rest of the day was either spent putting wedding speeches through a final rewrite or just enjoying the day. And a beautiful day it was, which was lucky since that night we had a barbecue and everyone had the chance to relax, have a drink or two, catch up with old friends and family and get to know some new people.
If there%26#39;s one theme we picked up from experienced wedding-goers it was that one day isn%26#39;t enough to catch up with everyone properly and since so many of our friends and family had come from a long way away we were determined to create a bit of space around the wedding so people could make the most of it.
The first sound I heard on Saturday morning was snoring. The second was rain on the roof. Both were disturbing, but the rain slightly more so.
Everyone, not a meteorologist among them, spent the morning telling me the rain would pass and that they were sure they could see the clouds starting to break. But it was about as reassuring as the dentist telling you to relax.
Still, decisions had to be made and this is where my lovely bride%26#39;s family and friends have to take a bow. With the wedding due for 3pm a call had to be made over carpark or marquee for the ceremony and since the carpark had largely turned to slush by mid-morning it wasn%26#39;t such a tough call.
And then, with military precision, an army of helpers appeared and carried out an extreme makeover on the marquee. It can%26#39;t have been easy but they did an exceptional job. Meanwhile, for me, the countdown went something like this: 1.30pm come out of hiding, 1.45pm have beer while being careful not to enjoy it too much, 2pm contemplate another beer while carefully going through the possible consequences, 2.20pm shave, 2.25pm fight the urge for more beer, 2.30pm get dressed, 2.35pm undergo dress inspection by sister for any minor alterations and applying of flower, 2.45pm quick team talk and traditional belt of whisky, 2.46pm second belt of whisky since the first one barely even registered, 2.50pm take centre stage and wait nervously.
Then the short wait eyeballing the gathering crowd as crunchtime looms.
And then the moment I will never forget as long as I live the beautiful bride%26#39;s entrance.
For anyone who hasn%26#39;t married, I would recommend they give it a crack for this moment alone. I was told a lot of men cry about this point and thinking that this would be a touching display of emotion I was even contemplating getting my policeman friend to give me a wee squirt of pepper spray so the tears would stream on cue, but in the end, not a drop.
Instead just a dumb smile and apparently a slightly petrified look, as the bride, a frangipani-laced vision in white, glided gracefully down the aisle and it sank in that this picture of loveliness was there to marry me.
A sobering thought but a wonderful feeling.
The rest of the ceremony was a blur but in almost no time at all it was done, we%26#39;d done it we were man and wife Mr and Mrs Hunt.
And that was it. Wedding over, only partying left. Well almost.
Photos in the rain, for which it has to be said the photographers excelled themselves with their level of patience given the trying conditions and drowned-looking subjects.
Another army of helpers set about transforming the marquee into a party venue, then speeches, then food, then party.
Actually, the speeches were to see off the last of my nerves and I actually managed to get a couple of laughs. Not as many as the bride, however, who got the biggest laugh by recounting some of my early emails to her. I%26#39;m still not sure whether to take that as a compliment. The father-in-law, who has a bit of a gift for this sort of thing, gave a very funny speech and the best man gave a very touching one.
My brother the MC, having read the audience pretty well, set the tone beautifully largely, as predicted, by taking the mickey out of me. He was reasonably gentle, though, and the reviews were universally positive.
So, with that, the last of the formalities were the cutting of the cake, which was pretty straightforward, and the first dance, which could have been called a first shuffle on our account, and then the serious business of trying to relax and enjoy the band and make it round everyone to say gidday and thanks.
The rain never stopped and in fact got worse as the night went on, but under the marquee it could have been hosing down and nobody would have known or cared, well, except maybe the smokers.
The next day everyone gathered for breakfast, but the day was mostly clean-up and farewells and by early afternoon it was all over with just the waft of stale alcohol in the marquee to remind us that a wedding had taken place.
We%26#39;re now married and it feels not even a tiny bit different, although I%26#39;m sure once the post-traumatic stress disorder starts to wane it might sink in.
The wedding was a huge success but only because of the amount of work everyone poured into bringing it all together. We truly owe them all a debt of gratitude.
I would have mentioned the names of the band, the caterers, the photographer, the venue hosts and the hire company since they all did a fine job, but I couldn%26#39;t figure out a way to slide that in without making it seem gratuitous.
So if you are thinking about tying the knot, email me at stuhunt@nelsonmail.co.nz and I%26#39;ll be sure to pass on my recommendations.
We%26#39;ve also got a couple hundredweight of leftover plastic plates and cutlery I can do you a good price on.
Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, sadly, the chair covers couldn%26#39;t make it along, but the potatoes made up for their absence. In a surprise display of tactical cunning they stormed the Friday night barbecue in a carefully orchestrated stealth mission making it on to the table in not one but at least three different guises.
As for the honeymoon, we went to Thailand, but I won%26#39;t burden you with too many details not that sitting around and drinking a lot is all that interesting anyway.
Thailand I can%26#39;t fault, except maybe for the fact that they put mothballs in the urinals over there and my lovely bride would have you think she experienced fresh horror every time she jumped on the back of our scooter for the daily jaunt down the busy but decaying strip of concrete that passes for a road in Koh Tao.
As for being in the sun, well it was largely great, but since my torso is like the arctic tundra after a fresh dusting it took one brief peek at the sun and for the rest of the fortnight I sported an angry red streak down my left side. I may never learn.
Stewart Hunt%26#39;s amateurish attempts at making sense of married life will be chronicled in a new column starting on Saturday May 3.

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